* For these purposes, “Tacoman” will be defined as “a hip and savvy person in-the-know who happens to live in Tacoma.”**
** For these purposes, “a hip and savvy person in-the-know who happens to live in Tacoma” will be defined as “myself, or someone that I associate with.”
*** Alternate post title: “What I do in Tacoma.” Thought this one sounded more authoritative, even despite all of the footnotes.
- Know at least one person who knows someone who knew Ted Bundy. Relate the story to every out-of-towner who comes to visit.
- Shop at Sanford and Sons.
- Know that Sanford and Sons is more than just an old TV show.
- Watch “10 Things I Hate About You” to catch glimpses of high school friends, but shriek in bitterness every time the cameras pan from Stadium High School or the North Tacoma home to the Seattle skyline.
- Buy lunch at Infinite Soups. Little more than a hot soup counter next to Malarky’s, this place is frequented by pretty much every person in Tacoma.
- Run into acquaintances or acquaintances of acquaintances every time they go out.
- Avoid The Swiss like the plague.
- Run the Point Defiance trails. Get lost.
- Rent a charming Stadium district apartment with hard-wood floors and “personality.”
- Eat biscuits and gravy at Marcia’s Silver Spoon Cafe.
- Visit the Museum of Glass solely to walk around the outdoor fountains and pay homage to the massive gift shop.
- Memorize the Wikipedia list of people from Tacoma and name-drop as often as possible. “You know who’s from Tacoma, right?” Keep a separate mental list of criminals from Tacoma. Share them with everyone.
- Drink exotic cocktails at 1022 South. (Which, ahem, I will be doing this evening at 5:30).
- Maintain exhaustive Twitter relationships with everyone in the Tacoma Twitterverse. Meet up with said people in groups like Social Media Club of Tacoma and Tacoma (Beer) Runners.
- Sing karaoke at The Mix. Finish the evening with dancing at Silverstone, having exhausted all of Tacoma’s gay bar options. Save the Tempest Lounge for another day.
- Fill your calendar with the dates of the Sephora and H&M openings at the Tacoma Mall.
- Spout fun facts about Tacoma to anyone who will stand still long enough to listen to you. Who wants to hazard a guess as to where the former tallest totem pole in THE WORLD is located?
- Hate on the haters who live in Tacoma but go on incessantly about how they can’t wait to move to A, Portland, or B, Seattle.
- Sport an I T-Town bumper sticker or a 253 window decal. Love on the people who drive cars festooned with Tacoma love.
- Know that 253 is the king of all area codes.
- Do not, under any circumstances, pick up unhygienic-looking hitchhikers outside of the Pierce County Jail at 7 a.m.
List is evolving, and is open to suggestion. What do YOU do?
Love these old postcards from the Tacoma Public Library’s online database. They pretty much say all that needs to be said about Tacoma.